They say that when a man who’s dying of thirst sees a mirage in the desert he believes it is water not so much from the optical illusion from the heat, but because he wants so desperately to believe it real. Thus was the case yesterday. Apparently what I flipped out about was not the kindhearted computer police, but a computer glitch which temporarily brought the site-blocker software down. I’m going to try to convince either my mother or sister to post pictures to the site that I manage to take and send to them—I guess we’ll see how that works out.
I’m starting to wonder how this whole experience is going to change me. It’s kind of like if you lose weight no one really notices that sees you every day, but someone that hasn’t seen you in a while notices huge differences in you. I definitely feel like I’m a different person, though I can’t put my finger on it if it’s a good change or a bad change. I’ve gotten emails from friends that went home—some had no problems whatsoever, some had hairline cracks in their marriages that burst wide open when they got back. I keep playing the scene in my head when I get home—kids happy to see me, dog not having any idea who I am and barking at the stranger in the house. I’ve already made a list of things I’ll be doing different at home—walking outside with the kids more, spending less time at the gym and more time helping Emily. We have such a long list of things that we have wanted to do together as a family that we keep pushing off—and I’m not talking about going to Disney World, I’m talking going camping. Our lives have been so hectic for so long that we’ve gotten used to disappointment when it comes to family activities. That will change.